Things I Love, April Edition

solitude, sleep, baby love, and holy moments rippling out to the edges of my whole life

This Friday morning finds me in my sunny office with the sleeping baby in his little portable bed beside me. I just finished lunch all by myself—a baked potato loaded with chili made by a friend—and am settling into a few moments to think and reflect before the baby wakes.

I have been happy these two weeks to be home, to have passed through to the other side of the hard work of pregnancy and birth, and to have this new little one living here with us. And yet, there is the shift of a new kind of life that is working its way through our family. A slower way of moving. More waiting. More being still. More necessary rest and quiet. It is a good life, but the pace is different, and we are all getting used to it.

I tell myself what I imagine my mother would tell me: that it is ok to go slow. To let some things go. To rest, to wait, to pause, to let some rhythms be displaced and allow this holy moment to circle out like ripples on a pond. The strength of each concentric movement lessens over time, but the effects of this change will continue to pulse in every direction, pushing out to the edges of my whole life.

So here I am pausing, knowing that seasons change, taking a moment to speak out loud some of the beautiful things I am experiencing in this sweet tension of relief, rest, and reshaping our lives to make room for one more.

Some Things I Love:

Eating Alone:
I admit it. I like to eat alone! Don’t judge me until you realize that I eat with my family of 11 three meals a day every day of the week. And while I consider this a huge gift and blessing, I am practically giddy about stealing this quiet meal by myself in my little office, fixing a plate for only me, and enjoying every bit of it in silence.

Solitude:
These few quiet moments are such a breath of life to me. One of the greatest challenges of transitioning into life with a newborn is how much of my physical body is needed all day every day and all night every night. I remember when Rosie, our first, was born, thinking how you couldn’t get anything at all done in the space between two feedings. I have since learned to do many, many things in those blessed two hours. (And really, isn’t that an actual niche skillset of a mother—getting more than you thought humanly possible done in the space between two meals??? And then doing it again between the next two?) It means so much to me to be alone in a room with my own thoughts. To be able to think and reflect, to write, to pray. I know that these moments will be few and far between in these first weeks, and that is okay. But I am just taking a breath of gratitude here. It seems like when I am able to step away from the needs for a few minutes, I always come back grateful that this is my life.

Sleeping in any position I want:
Sleep is such a luxury. And stretching out in any position, without a tiny human living inside of your body feels sooooo good. I aspire to never take this feeling for granted again.

Movie Nights:
I tend to be the one who goes to bed early while Dad is the fun one who stays up late and watches movies with the kids. But since I have to sit down so much, and since I will be nursing the baby for a solid hour anyway, I have enjoyed a few movie nights over the last couple of weeks. The girls and I watched Sense and Sensibility and thoroughly enjoyed it. And we also watched two family movies that I had forgotten how much I loved: Coco and How to Train Your Dragon. I love the music in Coco and how the whole movie basically revolves around one song (Remember Me). Your understanding of the song changes over time, and the climax of the movie is incredibly sweet and poignant. In How to Train Your Dragon, the relationship between Hiccup and Toothless is, in my opinion, one of the most moving depictions in film of a human and animal relationship. I really enjoyed rewatching this with the family. (Somebody recommend me some more good family movies for movie night…)

The Penderwicks:
My 16, 14, 12, and 9 year-olds love The Penderwicks series by Jeanne Birdsall. I have listened to some portions of the audiobooks with them, but I have just started the first book on my own (about 2/3 of the way through it now), and I am loving it. Growing up in a big family and having many children of my own, I identify with the characters, their personalities, their struggles, and the way they come together as a family even though they are all so different. I think that the author does a great job of touching on tender subjects while making the entire story a delight to read.

Drinking Tea:
While I was in the hospital, a friend sent me a box of Novel Teas English Breakfast Tea with author quotes on every tea bag. It is such a good, strong blend, and I am relishing having a cup and a resteep each morning. Today’s quote is “I cannot live without books.” (Thomas Jefferson) We have also been enjoying Yorkshire Gold, another good strong black cup of tea, which is the girls’ current favorite. My favorite herbal teas right now are Buffalo Buck’s Caramel Rooibos and Davidson’s Organics Chai Rooibos. Both are great as is or with a hint of sweetness and cream.

Rereading Journals:
As I’ve been sitting down to nurse the baby hours every day, I have been reading through some of my journals, mostly from the last year. This is one of the most faith-building practices of my life (writing, keeping, and rereading journals) because I see how God has answered so many of my questions and how he has made a way for me to live out hopes that were planted deeply in my heart but I did not know how they could ever come to fruition. So many things have happened in the last year. I am going to write and share more about this soon, because there is too much to say here. But this has been a year of dreams coming true and God doing more than I could ever hope or imagine in my life.

This:

I love to see my husband with a little baby in the crook of his arm. I loved him before we had children, but when he became a Dad, it was like hitting the bonus level.

Babies:
Except for when we are overly tired and exhausted, babies bring out the best in all of us. I have noticed how, in these two short weeks, I am seeing everyone be a little kinder, a little more patient, a little more aware of their noise levels and attitudes. It changes the whole atmosphere to have a tiny little person in our midst. I love watching the little ones love on this baby. His presence is a miracle, his life such a gift. Every day we learn a little bit more about who he is. And we watch him discovering the whole world and share in the wonder of it—a precious reminder of the sacred beauty that lies behind our everyday lives.

Sending love to all of you, with hopes and prayers that you will find many beautiful things to celebrate in your own life today. I want to say a sincere thank you for reading these weekly letters. It means so much to me to write them and know that they are being opened and read by you.

I would also like to thank, from the bottom of my heart, each of my paid supporters here on Substack and on Patreon. You will never know how much your support has changed my life. It is the miraculous transaction that turns these words I write into work that pays our bills and puts food on our table. And it gives me more courage than you can even imagine. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I would like to share a new song that Randy recorded last week for the Easter season. It’s called “When I Think About His Love.” I know I say this every time, but it is incredibly beautiful and moving to me.

Also sharing these words from last April, which mirror some of the thoughts from today’s post. Of course, I didn’t know I would be having another baby within the year… But here we are, and I’m so glad.

Journal With Me:

My 6-week video journaling course, Innermost Journaling: Mining the Depths of Your Sacred Everyday Life, is now available to my paid substack subscribers and Patrons.