Slow Burn: Motherhood and the Creative Life

Words to the Mama who is trying to reconcile the deep calling of the creative life with the deeper call of motherhood.

When I became a mother 15 years ago, I was unprepared for many things. The birth experience, learning to live without sleep, giving my brain over to the needs of another little human 24-7, 7 days a week. But there was something I couldn’t put my finger on in those early days that was eating away at me. I can name it now, eight children later and much more aware of the rhythms of my mind and body where pregnancy, birth, and life with a newborn are concerned. This is it: I lost my ability to go deep into the well of my creative life. I could no longer just clear my mind and sit for two hours in a coffee shop. Every two hours, I was needed. Desperately. To nurse the baby, to think ahead about her needs, to anticipate them before she ever expressed them. And even within those two hours, my brain was so crowded with thoughts of what comes next? that I had very little leftover for my own personal creative work.

And that shook me to my core. Because my creative life is stitched seemlessly together with my spiritual life. They are two strands of the same chord. And without the ability to journal, to draw, to write, to feel through music, to make things with my hands, to process the world around me through art, music, and writing, I honestly felt lost in my own life. I no longer had the ability to journey through my life by the light of a blazing creative fire.

I didn’t even know how to articulate the longing, but deep down I wanted a map to navigate motherhood and the creative life. I think back to that sweet, wide-eyed young woman of 24 whose world had just changed forever. And my heart goes out to her, and to my own daughters who will one day know this experience, and to all the creative Mamas who are trying to reconcile their deep callings with the deeper calling of motherhood. I would like to tell them these things:

Motherhood is the most profound creative act that a woman can experience. It is a collaboration with God, and the process of pregnancy, birth, and raising a child will work on every single part of you. It will touch you mind, your heart, your body. It will require more than you think you can give, but you will find yourself walking through it, clinging to God’s grace. It will impact the artist in you, working as an editor to sift out the creative work that is not important or is no longer relevant to the woman you are becoming.

In the years of raising small children, you will have very few raging creative fires. But you will tap into a new kind of creative energy—a slow burn. These are the projects you can do in the small spaces of your busy day. You will realize that there is less rush to finish projects that you thought, because life is long and slow, and most of the important work we do is little by little, over time. Have something ready that you can pull out to work on 10 minutes at a time.

Ask for help! One day a week, bring someone into your home who can sit with babies so you can close a door and have enough uninterrupted time to let your thoughts flow. Knowing a day like this exists will keep you from desperation throughout the rest of your week. Jot down ideas/thoughts in a journal so you do’t forget them, and on your creative workday, pull those ideas out for instant inspiration.

As soon as you can, begin bringing your children into the creative activities that you love. Paint with them, bake with them, write down their stories, draw with them, teach them to knit, build with them, etc. As your children grow, so will their love for the creative life.

Remember that you live by cycles. Hormones affect everything, including creative flow. If you are in a season where you cannot get your ideas out of your head and into the world, don’t rush it. Relax, try to enjoy your life, and know that the intensity of your creative life will ebb and flow. Some seasons will be exhilirating, others exhausting. But that deep well of creativity is always there. You will find new ways to tap into it. You will miss it at times and wonder if it is gone forever, but you will rediscover it in time, and the water will be fresh and clean and ready to nourish your soul again.

Establish a time for quiet as soon as you can. Have little ones sit in their beds and look at books. Start with 10 minutes and work up to 30, then an hour. Be consistent. Make your life easier and give yourself a little time to think.

Seek out the joy of the everyday. Make life a celebration. Drink tea. See friends. Have living conversation. Get stacks of books from the library. Read. Laugh. Play. Notice the rhythms that bring you joy, and rearrange your life to make them happen.

And finally, give yourself grace. You will spend the rest of your life figuring it out. And you are going to mess up. But God is with you, and he will send help. Never stop praying for vision. Never stop listening to that deep calling in your heart, even though what once took weeks now takes years. Allow the deeper calling to sift and refine you, and to make the work that you give to the world more beautiful.

More about motherhood and the creative life on my podcast:

Rhythms for Motherhood and the Creative Life

Motherhood and Creative Fire