My Husband Wasn't Found Dead in the Shower

Second Chances and Reaching for God's Hand

My husband wasn’t found dead in the shower like he thought he would be. The best plan he had for his life was to end it. He pressed his heart, felt for a pulse, pushed in the knife, and expected to die.

But he didn’t.

He passed out and woke, bleeding in the shower, knowing he had two options: try it again or get help.

Did I feel the ripple that circled out from that moment, even though we had not yet met? Could I have sensed, in some way, the most important person in my future was so desperate for a way out of his past that he had just tried to stop his heart from beating? Did my own heart stop for a split-second, my whole future hung in the balance of his heartbeat?

In one story, a man is found dead in the shower. A tragedy, they say. A promising musician, his talent cut short. They interview friends and family and piece together his life in photographs and stories, a few scattered song ideas haphazardly recorded on cassette tapes, and a 4-second glimpse of him as a boy in his aunt’s old home movie reels. There is no live footage of him playing music. No one will remember how the music flowed through his whole body, how alive he became when the strum left his fingertips.

In another story, a bleeding man gets up out of the shower and walks across town to a friend’s house, who opens the door, drops everything, and takes him to the hospital. His parents bring him home. He recovers slowly, over weeks and months, a couple of years, until one night at a church service, he lifts his hands high in the air and cries out from the very depths of his being. In worship, something happens. He surrenders his life to Christ. He has the sensation of being washed clean from the inside out. When he goes home and looks in the mirror, he sees a different person. His eyes are clear. His heart is light. He is rescued from the hopelessness that once drove him into the depths of despair.

By the grace of God, my husband did not take his own life. He got a second chance. When I met him six years later, I saw a man who loved God more passionately than anyone I had ever known. I loved the clear, childlike wonder in his eyes. I liked how he could make me laugh till I cried. And I loved the way music moved though his whole body like electricity. It shocked and awed me. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, but I did.

We got married and had nine children. The songs never stopped coming. Life continues to flow up and out and around this man who once wanted to end it all. Our family photograph is an absolute miracle. The light behind the eyes, the music of the souls, the beautiful, beautiful beating of the hearts. Miracles.

The world didn’t change. But when my husband reached up for the hand of God, God was already reaching down. And He still reaches down, day by day. He can build something beautiful from a broken life. The one who made the heart to beat can heal it. There is no place so desolate the love of God cannot break through.

Randy’s newest song is called “Drowning Man,” and though it was inspired by his story, I feel that everyone can relate to the feeling of drowning in hopelessness and despair, at least from time to time, in this broken world. This song is a prayer, and it gives words for someone to cry out to God and ask for help. I hope it will encourage you, and if someone comes to mind who could use this message of hope today, would you send it to them so it can encourage them as well?

Sending love and hope, and the reminder that God is reaching for your hand.

Mackenzie

If you would like to hear more of Randy’s music, you can find it on his youtube channel.

*family photo by Wallhanger Photography